Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Every weekday morning the alarm goes off at 7am and the morning ritual begins. I drag myself out of bed and crawl to the shower while Twigman heads downstairs to make a cup of tea.

I hate the repetitive routine of drying my hair and attempting to fix the damage eight hours sleep has done to my face. Unlike rested pastry that relaxes enough to be able to roll it into place, my face clearly relaxes so much that it forgets where everything is supposed to be. Thank God for the magic that is YSL’s best selling golden wand, Touche Eclat.

Fortunately I have hair like candy floss and so this task is completed within minutes. Next it’s time to dress for the day ahead. I’m patiently waiting for the day that someone invents a magic changing room like the one in the 70s children’s series Mr Benn, where you step into one room as one person and leave as someone else. I’ll have the key to the Kelly Brook one please.

But before getting dressed there’s the small matter of choosing the right foundation garments, underwear to you and me. At regular intervals throughout the year I sort out my ‘smalls’ (although not so small in my case), into sections; black, white, colours, everyday underwear and ones saved for those ‘special’ occasions ;-).

When the children were younger and having very little money to spend on clothes I’d treat myself to matching underwear. For every new bra brought, two pairs of matching pants were purchased. Those were the days when Twigman couldn’t wait to get my knickers off – he complained they used to dig into him (ha, ha, an old joke).

Over the years my underwear drawer has housed a selection of bras, basques, bodies, boxers and briefs. I’ve persevered with cheese graters and thongs and tried and tested just about every shapewear range on the market. Yes they suck you in but then they spit you out. Magic knickers my arse!

If a burglar ever got their filthy mitts on my pants they’d be confused who, or what, lives in this house. Gone are the matching sets and sexy little numbers only to be replaced by ‘over shoulder boulder holders’ and Marks & Sparks 3 for £10 offers.

They may not be sexy and I wouldn’t want to be caught in an accident, but when the temperature drops they’re great for keeping my armpits warm and snug. So, as I pull them on I sing in my highest Mika voice, “Big pants you are beautiful.”

So what’s lurking in your underwear drawer, sexy lingerie or Monday to Friday grey pants?


Read Full Post »

After doing my Starter for 10 the other day I thought I’d ask Twigman a few similar questions. Here are his replies.

When were you happiest?
Summer 1990. I was 28 with a new job, new house and a young family. Everything was on the up.

What is your earliest memory?
Walking along hand in hand to the shops with my mum, aged about 3 or 4, with the promise that if I was a good boy I could have some sweets.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Indesiciveness or procrastination. I can’t decide, can I have more time please?

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

What is your most treasured possession?
A photograph of my wife I keep in my wallet, taken before we were together.

What makes you unhappy?
Having to make difficult decisions and watching England play in the World Cup

What is your greatest fear?
Ending up going blind, like my dad when he retired

If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?
Bobby Moore at his peak

What is your favourite smell?
The smell of a really cold day

Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
Brian Blessed, Rob Brydon, Robbie Williams and Joe Cronin. I suspect drink will be spilt!

What is the worst job you’ve done?
Crawling under people’s floorboards when I was a dry rot engineer. Pre 1990, of course.

How do you relax?
Long walks with my bitches (Wife & Pip)

What song would you like played at your funeral?
Kite by U2

Read Full Post »

I asked my Twitter friends the question today,
“When are you too old to get your boobs out?”

I ask this question for a very good reason.

When I was just a B cup, Twigman and I worked in the housing benefits department of a local council.

I was 20 and Twigman 22, we were the only young people working in a team of mostly middle aged women. When I say middle aged I mean late 40s early 50s. Poor Twigman, he had to endure conversations about hot flushes and mood swings.

Anyway, there was one particular woman we worked with called Pat who was in her late 40s and looked like a younger version of Margaret Thatcher.

Pat was tall, slim and always immaculately turned out. Her clothes were stylish with a capital S but you need to work your way further down the alphabet to V to define her signature style.

What I remember most about Pat is her deep cleavage! She wore low cut tops that left very little to the imagination. At the time Frankie was telling us all to ‘RELAX’ Pat was taking it a little too far and letting it all hang out. It was difficult to keep your mind on what money people were entitled to with those benefits on display!

And so move on 26 years to why I ask the question.

A few years ago our small team of five women were lucky enough to spend a day with Kate Jones from the image consultancy House of Colour. Kate demonstrated how important first impressions are, and that it only takes 90 seconds to make that vital first impression, and 70% of that is based on how you look.

Six hours later we would leave knowing exactly the right image and style for our shape and personality. But first we had to get through the small matter of standing half naked in front of each other to work out what body shape we were.

Turns out I’m a Natural Romantic, roughly translated means Charlotte Church, Kate Winslet and Fern Britton are my style icons. I may have to squint a little to see Charlotte and Kate starring back at me when I check myself in the mirror but I have occasionally caught Fern looking back at me. Obviously in her pre-gastric band days.

As a soft curved body shape, I need to stay clear of power dressing, sharp suits and anything stiff! Instead my wardrobe should be full of soft feminine floaty numbers with round collars, small prints and above all else a deep V neck. In fact the deeper the better Kate says. I’ve got it so why not flaunt it!

And so as you can see from the photos below for the last few years that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.

But as I glanced down into the deep recesses of my cleavage this morning and my 47th birthday is only a few months away I wondered if it was time to put the puppies away. Or shall I be like Pat and RELAX. What do you think?

October is breast cancer awareness month. If you were watching Denise and Fearne’s Charity Trek for breast cancer last night on ITV2, you might have spotted the very glamourous Kate Jones. Part two is on next Monday at 9pm.

Kate was featured on the programme talking about how she coped when at the age of only 37 she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Also as a cruel twist of fate two of her best friends also developed breast cancer in their 30s. Read their story here.

Read Full Post »

Starter for 10

I love the weekends and Saturday mornings always start with a cup of tea in bed reading the papers. Twigman grabs the sports pages and I go for the Guardian magazine and turn first to the Starters page.

Today it was Bryan Ferry and I thought I’d have a stab at it myself.

Here’s my starter for 10, well OK maybe 13.

When were you happiest?
In August 1985. Twigman took me to London for the first time. It was then that I made the decision about exactly what I wanted.

Which living person do you most admire, and why?
My mum for reasons I’ve mentioned on here many times.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Laziness. I need to take a leaf out of Nike’s book

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Dishonesty and smoking
Tell lies and you will get caught
Smoke and you will die, oh ok so that argument doesn’t really stand up because we all die but, you will die wrinkled and smelly

What was your most embarrassing moment?
Aged about 10 in a car with my family in rush hour traffic in Edinburgh, desperate for the loo. The dog bowl came in very handy. Dirty doggie.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
It used to be my freckles until my favourite aunt said they were God’s kisses. Now most definitely the blob on the end of my nose. The child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang has nothing on me.

When did you last cry and why?
Five minutes ago when I remembered back to when I was happiest


What was the last book you read?
Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. I chose it for our book club hoping it would create some interesting discussion. I wasn’t disappointed.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Hibernation. Between October and December every Saturday night I curl up with a bottle of wine and watch Strictly Come Dancing.

How do you relax?
By Goblet giving me one of her amazing foot massages.
This probably should count as my guilty pleasure but, as I remind Gob, I gave birth to all 8lb of her so, it’s the least she can do

What is your biggest disappointment?
Not having a figure like Kelly Brook, despite putting the effort in

What is your greatest fear?
Losing my marbles. Re reading this post I fear it may be too late.

Now why not have a go yourself just remember to let me know.

Read Full Post »

May 2010 kicked off with a family wedding and despite my best efforts (well maybe not my very best) my plan to lose three stone in three weeks didn’t happen, not even three bloody lbs! So it was time for plan B O, Boobs Out. The idea was to take the attention away from the belly.

On a last minute shopping trip to Bournemouth when I was close to tears and about to give up Twigman spotted the perfect dress. Years of being dragged around shops with two daughters have obviously paid off. The dress was the right colour and right style. With the help of St Michaels’ £37.50 knickers all lumps and bumps would be tucked safely away, out of sight and out of mind!

Next was a spray tan. I’d heard it said brown fat looks nicer than white fat. I’ll try anything. Which is why, on the first day of May, I could be found stood virtually naked, inside a pop up tent arms up in the air, in front of a complete stranger. Not quite what Twigman was expecting to see when he decided to mow the back lawn. Fortunately I’d remembered to trim my bush the night before!

The result I was hoping for was a golden brown shade. What I ended up with was ORANGE!! Looking like a WAG I could cope with, but a cross between Dale Winton and David Dickinson was not a good look.

I was reassured that a shower before I went to bed would give me the desired effect. But as I climbed into bed still looking like the Cuprinol man, Twigman laughed and said: “At least you’re protected from rot and decay for the next two years.”

Read Full Post »

Guest Post Day

I’m taking part in my very first Guest Post Day. A big thank you to my swapmate Babyrambles who has shown me the ropes. Once you’ve read this pop over to her site and read mine. We’ve both posted about a run up to a wedding but in very different ways

A difficult week to get married

I loved reading Debbie’s post on her recent family wedding and it reminded me that I’ve never blogged about my own wedding. So I’ll use Debbie’s blog to do it! I hope she doesn’t mind.

Husband and I got married on 14th September 2001. For over a year beforehand, that date was ingrained in our mind. Little did we know that three days before our wedding would be a date carved into the world’s consciousness forever. That week was a difficult week: we got married on the Friday, three days after the attacks of September 11th.

As the events of September 11th unfolded I think many of us were uncertain what was going to happen next. In my office rumours were flying that London was about to be attacked too. Was there going to some state of emergency declared? Was all non-essential activity going to be stopped? Were we going to be able to get married?

September 12th was my last day at work before the wedding, we went to the pub for some drinks which had been planned ages before. No one felt like drinking. I didn’t feel like celebrating. Everyone went home early. I think most people felt traumatised by what had happened, I know I did.

But our wedding went ahead. I wasn’t sure if people felt like coming to a wedding. I was certain they wouldn’t be in celebratory mood. Luckily everything ran perfectly. We had a civil ceremony in a hotel followed by lots of eating and drinking. The sun shone and we drank champagne on the lawn.

And something happened to everyone. A cloud seemed to lift and people started smiling again. They started laughing. Everyone let their hair down and had a great time. After a few days of grief and trauma, it was the release we all needed.

Sadly a few friends couldn’t fly over from the States for our wedding. But I still look back on it as one of the best days of my life. To have almost everyone who mattered to us there, the awful events earlier in the week reminded me to be so grateful for them.

Read Full Post »

At the weekend Serenity Now tagged me in a ‘What’s in your handbag’ meme and I’ve finally got round to sharing the contents with you.

As you can see in the photo, my handbag is large and made of soft brown leather. I bought it a few years ago from a Banana Republic store in Philadelphia. It was love at first sight. I take it everywhere with me, even upstairs to bed, much to Twigman’s amusement. It must be a habit I’ve picked up from my mum.

Twigman can never understand why I need such a large bag. You’d think living with three females all these years he’d have learnt something about women by now!

The best thing about having a big bag is you can get lots in it, make up, cameras, books, brushes, umbrellas and even spare shoes.

The worst thing about having a big bag is you can get lots in it! Every single time we go out Twigman says “You’re not taking that huge bag with you are you.” And every single time I reply, YES. As soon as we arrive at our destination he understands very quickly why. Handing me his car keys, wallet, travel book and glasses he says: “Any chance these will go in your bag.” “Of course, it’s a good job I brought my huge bag with me isn’t it.” I say.


Make up bag with an assortment of magic tricks, although some days it’s more hocus pocus than abracadabra. I’m not one for wearing lots of make up but I do have this with me at all times. You just never know when you might need a touch up!

Black gloves with furry cuffs. These must have been in the bag for years, I can’t even remember the last time I wore them!

Brown purse. A gift from daughter no. 1. Sadly it’s not full of wads of money. However it is full of credit and store cards. Over the last few years I’ve had to wean myself of these. I just need a few more years to get round to ditching them.

A miniature tool kit I’d forgotten I had. I picked it up at one of those shows where you wander around killing time and looking for freebies to take home fo rthe kids.

2 pairs of glasses. A pair of fake Calvin Klein sunglasses (white bag) which have seen better days. The others are prescription glasses that I’m supposed to wear for driving, but always forget.

Heart re-useable heatpads – These were a Christmas present from Twigman. Others may have preferred sexy lingerie but no my man knows just the right way to get my temperature up. And they did come in very handy when we had the snow.

Ornate compact mirror from Monsoon – Another Christmas gift, this time from my boss. She bought each member of the team one. She’s good like that but then again we do have to put up with her smelly lunches.

Sat Nav – This belongs to a friend. I’ve borrowed it for my trip up to Manchester this weekend. Twigman doesn’t believe in using gadgets. He doesn’t see the problem with the good old fashioned road map. Problem is, I’m a woman and can’t read maps. Again you’d think he’d know that by now!

Colour wallet – About three years ago, the PR team had a House of Colour consultation. We were all told what season we were and what shades suit us best. I was a ‘Spring’ and shouldn’t wear black. Ladies, can you imagine finding out at the age of 43 that you shouldn’t wear black? Out goes 99% of my wardrobe.

And last of all the usual clutter of pens, hairbrush, emery board and memory stick.

So that’s it. Now I know why my right arm is longer than my left!

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »